December 3, 2008

You assholes...

The summer crowds have rushed back to work, and the college kids have stumbled back to their dorm rooms, which can only mean that those of us in the booze business are hitting a little bit of a slowdown. It happens pretty frequently this time of year, and to compensate, we use a variety of tactics to put your butts on stools.

A staple of barroom attraction was the immensely popular ladies night. This is where ten girls would attract seventy guys, and would therefore be inundated with feeble lines just to enjoy three dollar Cape Cods all night.

About four years ago, to our eye-rolling chagrin, two silly little men wanted to attract attention to themselves and and pretend like we care about their small, insignificant lives. They sued seven local nightclubs and bars because they felt that "Ladies Night" was discriminatory against men.


Are you trying to tell me that after years of going to bars with similar discounts boosting the attendance of the fairer gender, that these aging douchebags suddenly decided to file suit? Apparently these weenies are just upset because they have to pay five bucks at the door and it hurt their little feelings.

In reality, they're vermin attorneys, paralegals and saw a $125K payday. This was just another in a long line of legal shakedowns, and we all know it.

You whiny, pointless, frivolous, litigious little turds.

I'm sorry that women in general don't like either of you old, sad little me. Yes, you're laughed at by the opposite sex, but why do you feel the need to hurt your chances even further by killing ladies' night for the rest of us?

So I felt I should write a missive...

Neil and Bob (seems appropriate),

I'm sorry your mommy didn't breast feed you long enough. I'm sorry you had to take your cousins to the prom. I'm sorry you two still wear acid washed jeans and think Clay Aiken is a masculine role model.

I'm really sorry you both have a background in law because you're going to continue to muck up the legal system with inane lawsuits that allow the rest of the country to look at the Left Coast and chuckle...Oh, you stupid Californians.

I almost fell out of my chair when I read a statement by Erik Jenkins, an attorney for the whiners, who I presume tried his best to keep a straight face as he made comparisons between ladies' night discounts and discrimination faced by blacks in the south.


So, Mr. Jenkins, clearly what you're saying is that when I have to pay an extra couple of dollars at a club, it's akin to being attacked, intimidated, beaten, segregated and murdered by some inbred honkies in Alabama? Yeah, I may have a hangover and my wallet might be a little lighter, but I can't say that I've ever been put through the same tribulations as a black person in the south.

I've had guys give me a hard time about ladies' night in the past, but I just tell them to come into the bar in drag, and maybe I'll serve them a reduced priced cocktail. Which I won't, I just want to see a throng of cross-dressing daffy surfer kids walking around Encinitas.

Seriously if you're that destitute, then maybe you shouldn't be in the bar in the first place. Both the plaintiffs had professional occupations so I doubt they were counting food stamps at Von's. This is simply a cash grab and a way for them to graft money from people who actually have to work for a living, while they feebly grasp for their fifteen minutes.

Well, that and broadcast their names to thousands of women who'd now like to kick them square in the nuts.

So, we as a people strive toward an equal populace, where everyone has the same chance and men and women embrace blissfully in the flower-laden fields. Sorry to burst your bubble Sparky, but that only happens in Zoloft commercials, and you'd have to eat a handful before you buy all that crap.

There are going to be gender differences regardless. Did suing those clubs have a positive impact on gender relations in San Diego? No, of course not. One club actually went out of business because of it.

Eventually, this stupid situation will just go away and those two dingles will always be known as the men who took away ladies' night.

How's that for a legacy? Neil and Bob can tell their children that they battled demons and slew the dragons for the betterment of gender equality everywhere!

In actuality, their kids will realize their dads were just boring, greedy assheads that ruined a good time for everyone else.

When all is said and done, we need to be more personally responsible and concern ourselves less with other people's actions.

How does this lawsuit affect you personally? For most of you, I'm sure it won't make much difference. For me, and every person that works in a bar, it absolutely does. Very simply put: less women come in, therefore less men come in looking for them. Which means I make less money.

I wonder where this is leading though. What can of worms is this opening for other bars and nightclubs and the specials they use to entice people to patronize their establishment?

I think Neil and Bob should have just done that and left the rest of us alone.

December 1, 2008

...and this is the kind of moronic e-mails I have to deal with...

(This is a real e-mail I received from an obviously enlightened dongle with the cryptic email address

Mr Doorman! I was reading your article the other day and had a few comments!

In your article you came off very passive and then hit your
readers right between the eyes! I do not know if you really understand what is really going on with Prop 8? First of all, Since when is it's anyone's business what your sexual preference is or what YOUR taste is?

This is the problem with the GAY community! How come you never hear from STRAIGHT couples if they are straight or gay? Why don't you ever hear of STRAIGHT couples going around telling others what their personal preferences are or what they prefer! If gay people would read their bible and obide by what was written hundreds of years ago they would understand that Marriage was meant for a man and a Woman!

Why is it in almost all Gay relationships that one person plays a more dominant role and the other a more passive role? The reason is ! GOD made man to be a MAN and a woman to be a Woman! It is as simple as that! It really hurts me to see that not even 10% of our population tries to upset our Tradition that has made our country what it is today! It' usually the minority that tries to rule! I really feel the reason why their is such a huge problem with our Gay community is because most of all Gay people are very frustrated with their own physical or mental outcome! Believe me! All you have to do is read a little in the bible and you would understand this issue and not jump on the political band wagon and fuel this political fire!

In closing! If you do not believe in the bible or GOD! Please explain to me one thing! Explain to me WHAT ENERGY SOURCE KEEPS YOUR HEART CONTINUOUSLY PUMPING?

Thank You and have a great day!