October 11, 2009

I saw this posting on a website about 1st Street...and remembered the situation immediately. So...I couldn't help but respond to this particular patron....

"I was very disappointed in your bartender - "I don't want to name him". He not only disrespected and embarrassed me in front of my wife, but actually threatened me and would not give me the name of the manager or the owner. I definitely felt violated tonight. I am a 37 year married man and could not believe what happened to me tonight. I actually tried to contact you the owner, but would not give me your name or number. He told me that he new who I was and where I lived because I paid with my credit card. I am now contacting my attorney as I have filmed the most of the confrontation."

and my response..

“Dear Shawn...”

To Whom It May Concern... I'm the bartender that you're speaking of in your review of 1st Street Bar. Let me take this opportunity to respond to the allegations you made against myself and the establishment.

The entire situation can be summed up with my choice to stop serving you because I felt it was unsafe to do so. I was neither rude nor confrontational, and as I do with any customer I stop serving, I told you quietly and to the side so as not to embarrass you in front of other customers. I even gave you the option to stay and continue playing pool, if you so chose. 

Instead, you decided to attempt to coerce another customer into unknowingly buy you another cocktail. At that point, I politely reminded you that you'd been cut off, at which point you became belligerent, so I offered to get you a taxi cab and told you calmly and quietly that it was in everyone's best interest that you leave the establishment. 

Cut to 15 minutes later with you calling the bar no less than 14 times to file complaints against myself and the doorman working that night. With each call, you made another false claim against myself and the security professional working the door. 

At one point, you claimed that I kicked you out of the bar because you were dating my ex-girlfriend. Which is strange because you're married and my ex-girlfriend lives on the east coast. The SD Sheriff's department was called (by you) because you made a claim that the doorman and I were threatening you with violence and that we planned on "beating you the next time we see you out in the surf", which was an odd thing to fabricate seeing as how neither of us surf. 

As for embarrassing you in front of your wife...that must have been done at your home because you were by yourself in the bar, and also alone when you came back with a video and digital camera to "document the harassment" you faced at the bar. 

To the claim about not giving you the owner's contact information, yes, I absolutely did not do that. It's against protocol and isn't something they deal with on that level. I did however give you the name of my manager and his contact information. 

As to knowing where you live...no I have no clue other than your claim of being a "local" and living up the street. Yes, we do know your name because you paid with your credit card and the fact that you called 14 times and your name was stored in the caller ID. 

I hope this addresses some of the concerns you have and I also hope this illuminates what actually happened that night and doesn't sway other people from coming in and enjoying themselves at the bar. Unfortunately, this is just another byproduct of dealing with certain patrons who can't control themselves nor accept responsibility for their actions.

 Thank you...

October 7, 2009

    I have a sneaking suspicion that Curious George's owner, The Man With the Yellow Hat, is a drug dealer. 

    Or at the very least, he's probably a pimp because I don't know any other person that would wear a canary yellow suit, yellow tie, and a big brimmed yellow hat if he wasn't peddling something illegal. 

    Since some of you don't have children, you might not quite understand the following words, terms, and spectacular frustration that I internalize on a daily basis(usually thrice daily, to be exact).  If it doesn't make sense now, it might later on...so feel free to laminate this column and just keep it on your person. But I digress....

    Back to the eerily calm(I.E. prescription drug abuser) The Man With the Yellow Hat. What I have a hard time believing is that he hasn't beaten George with a baseball bat and thrown that furry little jerk off a bridge yet. If my daughter, Samantha, had caused even a small portion of the enormously exorbitant "accidents" that chimps been guilty of, I would have sold her off on the black market a long time ago. 

    With Google's tentacles slithering through the inter webs, it seems I've pierced TMWTYH's seemingly innocuous alias to find out that his name is really Ted Shackleford. Which sounds like another alias to me. How many layers does Yella Hat have?  

    Maybe he works for the CIA. I don't have a clue what he does. I've seen him walk around a museum like he owns it. He's even been an astronaut, a chef, and a bird watcher. But he owns two homes and lives a fairly extravagant lifestyle for a guy without a day job. 

    He sure as hell seems to have a lot of access for a guy that dresses like a banana and has a monkey for a best friend. Then again, maybe that why George sticks around. He's waiting for his chance to gobble that big banana. God, that sounded bad. Moving on...

    Dora the Explorer (is that really supposed to rhyme?)is another one of the cartooned propaganda programs that seemingly breeds inside my Tivo and is able to bore its way into my skull where it remains entrenched for weeks without any relief in sight. 

    Oddly enough, Dora's best friend is also a monkey but his name is Boots because...yep, he wears boots. She's also real chummy with a Map from her backpack that has the stupidest theme song I've ever heard. Just say, "I'm the Map" five times, and you've now memorized that musical gem. Fred Flintstone is rolling over in his bedrock coffin...

    Now that I think about it, Dora's entire existence seems like a really freaky acid trip. She talks to a lot of animals and inanimate objects and is constantly afraid of a masked bandit-fox whom is aptly named Swiper. Swiper is even more inept than fan favorite and uber-violent Wile E. Coyote because the children ward Swiper off simply by saying, "Swiper, no swiping" numerous times. Then they cut to Swiper snapping his fingers and saying, "Awwww man!" 

    More like, awww man, will you stab me in the ears and eyes so I don't have to watch this show anymore? 

    I guess this is just a way of me saying I miss all those violent, misogynistic, racist, and stereotypically offensive cartoons of my youth. At least those were fun and our parents could quietly chuckle at all the adult humor that was flying over our innocent little heads. 

    Well, at least Barney's dead and those daffy gullible Christian's killed off The Teletubbies. So we've got that going for us, which is nice...