September 12, 2008

Here I come Washington!

I’m running for office!

Considering the current state of politics in our perpetually polarized little nation state, I feel it’s time I officially announce my candidacy for the office of Mayor/Czar/Supreme King Ruler of our little hamlet known as Encinitas.

Contrary to most of the e-mails I receive, I’m not a complete low brow mouth breather. I realize I’ll have to start at the local level before I can move on to attaining a seat in the senate. Yet I also know I’m going to have to join either the ‘Pubs or the ‘Crats...since you can’t make any real difference in this world until you declare your allegiance to one of our archaic Jackass and Dumbo sideshow parties.

Since John McCain and the Grand Ol’ Party (that even sounds racist) have finally lost their collective marbles, along with their campaign hopes, in choosing Alaskan Governator Sarah Palin, I don’t think I’d like to join their crusade. There’s just too much pent up sexual tension and when you add extreme right wing evangelicals to the mix, only bad things can come of it.

When I first read about their decision to tap the uber-Christian mother of five, I thought it was a joke. I’d never even heard of the woman who looks like that naughty schoolmarm from those late 80's Skin-O-max flicks that were only shown at 4AM.

Then there’s the Democrat's nominee, the neophyte senator from Illinois whom in his early days was fond of smoking weed and doing cocaine. His vice presidential choice, Joe Biden, was near dead last in his college class, and was 76th in a class of 85 in law school and somehow finagled four deferments from the draft during the Vietnam war.

Then again, John McCain is no scholar. He graduated 894th out of 899 students at the Naval Academy. He also managed to crash four planes but at least he didn’t hide from the war.

Back in Encinitas...the first mission would be to take the mayoral seat away from Jerome Stocks. Or maybe I can start by sneaking in under the guises of a council member.

Let’s see who I can replace first...whoa! Apparently James Bond is a member of the Encinitas city council? Well, forget that one then. I’m not going to risk getting double O-kicked in the face.

That leaves Dan Dalager, Deputy Mayor Maggie Houlihan, and Teresa Barth. But the problem with taking their position is that they are real public servants. Civic minded people who’ve stepped forward to make their community a better place.

I just kinda wanna abuse my power, siphon funds into my bank account, and maybe smile for pictures and kiss a couple babies (if necessary) before I jet off to Washington D.C. and really begin enjoying the spoils of a political career.

I don’t even know where to start. Is there even a local election process? And when can I start earmarking public funds for my junkets to Las Vegas or spend the tax payers money for my own morally bankrupt reasons? Since when did rules apply to politicians?

In reality, I have to believe that people initially get into politics in an effort to improve the lives of their constituents. But as they progress towards bigger offices and expanded territories, it seems they get a little sidetracked and lose their way.

So let’s take a few minutes to look at politics on a grass roots level, where you can still sit in on meetings, the people are tangible and actually care about what’s happening around them.

Oh, and vote for me in the next election! If there is one...

September 2, 2008

Governor Palin's Daughter

So, politics is a big shit sandwich that we're force fed every day. At this point both candidates care about nothing but themselves and prolonging their brief stay of power.

But the big glossy drama lately is VP choice Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter's pregnancy.

Okay, we all know what happened and while glaringly hypocritical in the face of Republican's "Family Values" platform (and not to mention a huge whoops about preaching abstinence), let's remember this is still just a kid in high school whose face is now thrust onto the national media scene. Small minded people with their snide remarks and hateful comments aren't doing anything positive and only stand to make current politics more disgusting that it already is.

Let's just focus on the our sad choice of inutile candidates and the issues, not the unfortunate choice of Palin's daughter.