December 5, 2007



As another birthday creeps along the calendar to find me, life and death usually pop their silly heads up and beg another conversation.

The final breath that walks us through our last steps towards what will continually be the original enigma. What happens after we die?

That’s the ultimate question. The quintessential quandary that we all shoulder on a daily basis. Our hesitating pulse about what comes after we let go of our last breath.

I’m guessing the Christians who are holding this are going to expect me to spew some wonderfully angelic missive about divine acceptance, bright lights, relatives, St Peter, and Pearly Gates.

Unfortunately kids, that’s Hollywood filling your heads with silly antiquated nuggets of pride and pompous allegations from an old book that still doesn’t make sense.

Being an agnostic on good days, and an atheist on most, I’m guessing death is akin to a long journey down a hollow black tunnel ending in a nice long nap. Also know as simply losing your consciousness. Unless you croak in some horrific accident or something. Yeah, try and avoid that.

Regardless of what every religious group wants you to think, we’re all just a bag of blood and bones. Sentient tissue that for some reason thousands of years ago, became aware of itself.

Now we fear death. And the worst part is we waste minutes of our life worrying about how it’ll eventually end.

Or even worse we spend time worrying about how our sack of flesh is going to be presented to our grieving loved ones. Personally, I don’t care what you do with me. But after watching CSI enough times,

I’d rather be torched and just dumped somewhere that I might have liked. Drop me off at BevMo, the pitcher’s mound, Stockholm, into my Mesa Boogie, Julian or even San Clemente.

And people are so distraught at funerals. I’d rather just have everyone show up at the bar and have a good time. I’ll come back and haunt all you assholes if you have some sappy memorial that involves heartfelt stories and tears.

Enjoy the fact that we were all alive at the same time and got to revel in sharing our space on earth. Tip your glass and have a good time. That’s my idea of a send off.

As dreadfully a cliche as it is to mention enjoying every day and telling those around you how much they mean to you, I’ll do it anyway. We’re only on this muddy rock for a short time. It’s up to you how you spend your consistently dwindling time here.

Work, bills, and stress will always be there for us to wear throughout life. Shed those gremlins and grab a smile occasionally. And try not to take yourself too seriously, because no one makes it out of life alive.

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